Attack of the 50-foot Michael Jackson

The serenity, sophistication, and elegance of Las Vegas will soon be shattered, if Michael Jackson has his way. The Daily News reports that he is planning to construct a 50-foot robot version of himself, complete with laser eyes, in the desert nearby.

"It would be in the desert sands," said Mike Luckman of Luckman Van Pier, consultants to large entertainment companies. "Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying would see. Neon is wonderful, but it's old school."

My original source told me that the robot Michael Jackson would actually wander the desert (shooting lasers out of its eyes), but that detail seems to be absent in the report. However, like Michael, I refuse to be limited by the bonds of the everyday, and damn it,  if a guy can look like he's walking forwards when he's really walking backwards there's no reason he can't make a 50-foot robot version of himself stride menacingly through the sands (with laser eyes). [UPDATE: This Yahoo article actually describes the robot as roaming and striding.]

Other bloggers commenting on this story have all gone for the cheap shot, but since this is a serious business blog, I refuse to follow suit. Instead, I will discuss the potential business ramifications of the 50-foot robot Michael Jackson with laser eyes. To wit:

1. Supporting our boys in Iraq. How obvious can it be? The robot Michael Jackson is optimized for desert operation and fitted with the cutting edge in laser weaponry. I feel certain it was originally designed for deployment in Iraq. As the robot Michael Jacksons are deployed, our troops will be able to return home, secure in the knowledge that Iraq's fragile democracy is safe under the watchful gaze of their laser eyes.

2. Keeping our borders secure. Let's see, what other desert needs patrolling? Let's just say that undocumented visitors from our southern neighbor will think twice about coming here to earn a decent wage to support their families, once they see a 50-foot Michael Jackson lumber over the sierra, clutching its crotch and emitting a piercing shriek.

3. Space exploration. Anyone who saw Michael's late eighties film Moonwalker will recall with shudders of awe the scene in which he transforms into a giant robot (right) to save the children. It may have taken twenty years for the technology to catch up to his vision, but now that Michael will have his army of 50-foot robot replicas with laser eyes, can actual moon-walking be far behind?

Many disruptive, transformative technologies start as entertainment. But as we enter an uncertain age, a giant Michael Jackson (with laser eyes) means giant things for us all.